We’re delighted to feature one of our valued Smiley Blue members, Deborah Wilson. Her Camino pilgrimage is a story of unexpected challenges and transformation. Deborah's path is about how her difficult personal time proved to be an opportunity for growth, self-love, and new beginnings.
A Camino pilgrimage is a long-distance walking journey, traditionally religious, along various routes through Europe that lead to the shrine of Saint James in Santiago de Compostela, Spain. The most popular route is the Camino Frances, which is nearly 500 miles from France through northern Spain.
The Camino is world famous and known for mysteriously providing pilgrims with what they need through both challenges and blessings.
Introducing Deborah Wilson's unique Camino story
From Guide to Pilgrim: A Personal Odyssey
My Camino experience was a bit different in that I had worked as a guide on what the clients aptly named "The Gucci Camino" for many years before I undertook my own first full Camino as a bona fide pilgrim. So the physical challenges and navigating my way following yellow arrows, or communicating in Spanish didn't pose much of a challenge to me. I was, however, to be challenged in other ways…
The Call of the Camino
I had first heard about the Camino as a teenager and instinctively and viscerally knew that I had to walk it. Although I'm not religious, I am, for want of a better turn of phrase, spiritual and believe very much in the importance of human kindness and connection. The Camino didn't just speak to me, it sang or even shouted at me to walk it.
While I spent many years happily walking "on the Camino" (cherry-picking the most beautiful stretches), I knew that my true desire was to walk my own full Camino and very much wanted the "full pilgrim experience" - smelly socks, fart-filled dormitories, blisters and all. I was simply so busy either accompanying groups or with my other work in tourism that I never had time to do so.
A Personal Pilgrimage Begins
Finally, I gave up the "Gucci gig" - I had to, as my heart was no longer in it. Although I had loved sharing my passion for all things Camino with delightful groups of mainly Canadian walkers, it felt disrespectful to both them and the Camino not to be doing it wholeheartedly.
Unexpected Turns and Heartbreak
In September 2017, my husband of 19 years and I set out to walk the Camino del Norte. The Camino always gives you what you need, not what you think you want - and boy, did it give me the experience I so badly needed. On the second day, we met a lovely group of very diverse individuals, and our Camino family was born.
The Camino camaraderie, fun, and the sheer beauty of the experience were all I'd imagined. Until, it all came crashing to a halt after about ten days, when my husband, who had taken off for a few days without letting me know where he was, simply carried on walking away from me. When he finally decided to answer his phone, he let me know we were through. I was utterly devastated that my Camino had finished so abruptly, violently, and totally unexpectedly.
Finding Strength in Community
I was making plans to return to my hometown of Granada when my Camino family intervened. They insisted that I stay with them, telling me I could be however I wanted, and cry as much as I needed to. They would be there to pick up the pieces at the end of the day. And so, much to my surprise, I continued walking.
A Journey of Inner Healing
As one of my Camino family members, Andy put it, I quite literally walked myself back into my own arms. With their support, I walked myself home. It certainly wasn't easy. The Camino came for me with an intensity that left me breathless, sobbing, and experiencing a myriad of emotions I'd kept so carefully damped down and concealed for many, many years.
The farther I walked, the faster these emotions appeared. I realised how I'd become a chronic people-pleaser, looking desperately to others for the approval and love I sought. I'd become totally unaware of, and disconnected from my own needs and wants - it was so much easier to fulfil the needs of others instead.
Transformation and Rebirth
Up and out spewed all the repressed sadness, guilt, and anger. I saw, oh so very clearly, how far I'd walked away from my own Self. I didn't know who that even was anymore. Through the healing balm of nature, friends, and the alchemy of the Camino, I was able to forgive, understand, and ultimately appreciate all those who I'd perceived as having harmed me - including, and most importantly, myself.
A New Chapter
I am now happier than I've ever been. I always had a greater capacity for joy, but it had been severely dampened by my attempts to control my life. I let that all go, and the wellspring of love and joy continues to grow to this day.
The most important thing I found was self-love, which, in turn, permitted me to truly love and connect with another. I gave up my well-paid but gruelling work, throwing caution to the wind, and lived out my lifelong ambition to write a book. All with the support and love of the funniest, wisest, most self-aware man I've ever known - and yes, we did meet on the Camino.
We're now living on a boat and preparing for great adventures with our Australian cattle dog, Otto. As is so very often the way, what had appeared to be the very worst thing to have happened to me turned out to be the very best. When your heart, mind, and soul are open to it, the Camino works its alchemy on you - for which I shall be eternally grateful.
We would like to extend a heartfelt thank you to Deborah Wilson for very kindly providing Smiley Blue with this article. Her book titled “Finding Love On The Camino” can be purchased HERE
Next week at Smiley Blue, we explore how January's post-holiday blues can actually deepen the meaning of authentic happiness by acknowledging that life's spectrum always includes both bright and darker days. We discover that down days aren't signs of weakness but opportunities that offer you valuable insights to ultimately strengthen your journey toward a more authentic sense of joy.
- Build back your trust in life and its unfolding, based on your path.
- A personalised reading on a PDF to offer deeper insights into your life's path and journey.
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