Before you shoot that angry text response, perfect your eye roll or rally round your friends to gain agreement, or shall I say flying monkeys? Here's a guide on how not to be offended (spoiler alert- it's probably not about them)
The Trigger Mechanism
Can a person who is truly authentic, who has reached their full potential, be offended by the actions and behaviors of someone else?
The person who you perceive to have offended you was really the loaded gun that triggered the pain points that already exist within your subconscious mind.
For example, let's say that in your earlier formative years you were teased and bullied for your size, shape, looks or behavior. Without the right tools and support at the time, you struggled to navigate those feelings, and began believing that the comments were true. Those false beliefs embed themselves into your subconscious mind and form part of your programs about how you see the world and others around you going forward.
Uncovering Childhood Wounds
Then, in adulthood someone innocently or purposely says something or accuses you of something and it triggers all those childhood pain points and false beliefs that you have never sought to fully address and heal. All the feelings of anger, disbelief, rejection and lack of self worth rise up again. But instead of looking within yourself at the pain points you need to address, you blame the person that fired the bullet to hit your inner pain points and triggers.
The Power of Inner Work
Working upon yourself to become authentically you is an inside job. When you do this necessary work, nobody external can offend you anymore, because you then hold all the self-power to see the consciousness of the person attempting to devalue you or shift blame onto you for what they need to transcend within themselves.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor Frankl
"Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me." - Unknown
Choose Your Focus
You get to choose where you put your energy and what you choose to amplify by doing so. But of course inner work takes a disciplined and conscious effort, we are living in a world where offense is taken so easily.
"A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense." - Proverbs 19:11
True healing begins when you look inward rather than seeking to change what's outside of you.
Tips to help you:
Recognise Your Triggers: Learn to identify when you're being triggered and take a deep pause to examine what past wound this current situation might be connected to. Taking offense often comes from pain points that already exist within your subconscious mind.
Practice Response Space: Think about Viktor Frankl's concept that between stimulus and response exists a space where you can carefully choose your reaction. Use this pause to respond consciously rather than reacting automatically.
Examine Childhood Programming: Take an inventory of all the "false beliefs" that have embedded themselves into your subconscious during your formative years, especially from experiences of being teased, abused, or bullied.
Take Ownership of Your Feelings: Instead of blaming others for "firing the bullet," accept responsibility for the triggers within you that were activated by their words or actions.
Self-awareness: Reflect upon the quote "Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me" by turning moments of offense into opportunities for your heightened self-awareness.
Choose Where to Direct Your Energy: Remember you get to choose where you put your energy and what you choose to amplify. Practice intentionally redirecting your focus away from the trigger that caused the perceived offense and toward your personal growth.
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Lisa Precious is the founder of SmileyBlue a publication dedicated to helping people reach their full potential and discover the right path for their lives. Our content expands from conscious mentoring to emotional healing and in-depth discussions on how your mind and body are the most powerful assets in your life. Please feel free to contact her at contact@smileyblue.org
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