"Controlling and manipulating others may one day lead to an incident that compels one to seek forgiveness from everyone they wronged." Lisa Precious
The Reality of Manipulative Individuals
There will always be people who try to take advantage of others when they're vulnerable. These individuals are focused on their own self-interests and will use manipulation tactics to get what they want. If they see you standing in their way, they won't hesitate to attack, silence or remove you from their path. These controlling individuals don't care about integrity, what's right or moral.
Facing a Controlling Bully: Initial Reactions
So, what should you do if you find yourself dealing with a manipulative or controlling bully? At first, you might feel shocked, betrayed, and confused when you realise they've taken advantage of your kindness. This can lead to intense anger, and you might even think about revenge or justice for their wrongdoing. However, consider a higher perspective. Reacting with anger or seeking revenge usually doesn't help; it just brings you down to their level.
Taking the Higher Road: A Mature Response
Instead, take a step back and try not to react on impulse. It's a sign of maturity. Stay calm and look at the situation as an opportunity to grow, learn, and gain insight. The person who tried to manipulate you may seem strong temporarily, but often they're missing genuine inner strength and awareness of their spiritual side and the repercussions of what they've done.
Keep in mind, that everyone gets judged in time, and nobody's beyond the ultimate authority. When you're hurting, it's not just you—God feels it too. Take comfort in knowing that nothing goes unnoticed. No matter how smart manipulators think they are, they can't dodge the outcomes of their actions forever.
The Illusion of Power vs. True Strength
Those who desperately seek to control others are masking inner weakness. Genuine leaders always inspire and empower without ever resorting to manipulation and drama, recognising that true strength lies in valuing and uplifting others rather than attempting to dominate them.
All the roads of the haughty man lead to arrogance!” ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan
At times, when we perceive that we've been wronged, a wave of shock, hurt, and anxiety may wash over us, leading to a wish to retreat from the world. These feelings are a natural response to unfair and painful situations.
Rather than allowing these emotions to overpower you, try to retreat and be gentle with yourself. Making mistakes we couldn't see coming is all part of the human experience, and in time they can, when you're ready contribute to our personal growth and development.
“Life is very interesting... in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths” - Drew Barrymore
Often, we couldn't have predicted our circumstances, even when the signs were evident. Human nature can lean towards seeing the best in people. The truth is life encompasses both the positive and the negative, the light and the dark, and it's through these perceived negative experiences and people that we learn and ultimately evolve higher.
The Insidious Process of Erosion of Self
Victims of abuse often find themselves ensnared by individuals who, at first glance, appear charming and well-intentioned. Manipulative people are skilled at gradually eroding their target's sense of self-belief and inner power. They engage in subtle tactics and slowly chip away at the victim's confidence and reality over time. Through gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and constant undermining, the victim's perception becomes distorted, making them doubt their own mind, better judgment and sense of worth.
The process is insidious; what starts as minor incidents of control or criticism escalates into a pattern of abuse that leaves the victim confused, anxious, and powerless. By the time the victim realises the cold hard truth of their situation, their self-esteem and ability to trust their instincts have often been severely eroded.
The erosion of the self makes it incredibly difficult for victims to confront the abuse, assert any boundaries, or leave the toxic relationship, they get trapped into a cycle that is hard to break without support.
While it can be very challenging to accept, adverse experiences and interactions often serve as the catalyst for profound personal growth.
Helpful tips
- Draw a firm line in the sand regarding the manipulative and controlling behaviours of others, you must decide what you will and will not tolerate. Communicate these boundaries assertively and calmly, without being aggressive or confrontational, your actions speak louder than your words.
- When a manipulative or controlling person attempts to breach your boundaries, firmly and calmly reinforce them through your actions.
- Recognise and acknowledge your emotions, but strive to detach yourself emotionally from the manipulative person's actions and words. Their projections are never about you.
- Developing emotional resilience and greater self-awareness will help you maintain perspective and reduce the manipulator's influence on your well-being.
- Manipulative individuals often employ gaslighting tactics to distort your perception of reality and make you doubt yourself. Trust your instincts and rely on concrete evidence and facts. Keep a record of events, conversations, or agreements to refer back to when needed.
- When faced with attempts to confuse your actions, calmly and confidently assert your position, relying on the truth and facts. Avoid engaging in arguments or trying to justify yourself endlessly—calmly maintain and assert your confidence in your truth.
- Keep in mind that the direction of your energy often generates more of the same. It's much wiser to work towards completely detaching from manipulative and controlling people.
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