Are You a People Pleaser?
Do you find yourself uneasy when others are in a bad mood? Do you feel compelled to try to ease their pain, even at your own expense? If so, this is for you.
People pleasers can often find themselves caught in the trap of unscrupulous individuals who, whether intentionally or unintentionally, see an opportunity to use their good nature.
Why Do People-Pleasing Tendencies Develop?
Sadly, these people-pleasing tendencies often stem from unresolved childhood trauma. You are likely an individual with the ability to discern the energies and moods of those around you.
Perhaps, when you sense someone is in a bad mood, you try to lift their spirit by asking, “What’s wrong?” or engaging in polite conversation, only to be abruptly shut down. This can awaken your already deep-seated wounds of rejection and abandonment, reminding you of your childhood pain and triggering thoughts of loneliness and feeling misunderstood—"Nobody loves me."
Your rational mind knows this isn’t true, yet the emotions still pull you in.
Recognising the Emotional Triggers
Along the healing journey, you may begin to notice these repeated patterns within yourself.
People of faith often mistakenly believe they must tolerate poor behaviour in relationships—being patient, forgiving, tolerant and putting up with whatever comes their way. I’ve learned that an all-loving God does not ask us to enable poor behaviours or lose our sense of self in the process.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." — Galatians 1:10
Faith and Boundaries: What Does Love Really Ask?
When these situations arise, as they inevitably do within families and close relationships, it’s important to hold up a mirror to the behaviour—by acknowledging its impact without shifting any blame, shame or guilt onto them.
Steps to Break Free from People-Pleasing
- Remove yourself from the situation if possible.
- Step back and reflect on what the experience has triggered in you; this reveals the areas that still need work and healing.
- Let the person know their words were hurtful. If they truly care, they will acknowledge it. You can also communicate that you’re working through your own healing and the feelings of rejection that came up.
- Pay attention to how they respond. Do they dismiss you as “too sensitive,” or do they apologise?
"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." — Carl Jung
None of us are perfect, but true love holds each other up to the light—never projecting blame, always taking responsibility for both actions and reactions.
The Gift of Sensitivity: A Faith-Based Reflection
If this message stirred something within you, it may be because you carry the divine gift of high sensitivity. You feel deeply, love wholeheartedly, and are often moved by emotions and atmospheres that others miss. This is a unique gift that can be as joyful as it can be overwhelming.
“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14.
Your sensitivity is part of your wonderful creation.
You may relate to these traits:
- A heightened awareness of others’ emotions and unspoken needs
- Being easily affected by harsh words, loud environments, artificial light, fabrics, and conflict
- A deep inner life, full of inward reflection, creativity, imagination, and spiritual longing
- A deep need for quiet time to restore your soul
- A natural compassion that calls you to comfort and uplift others
You were purposely created with a tender heart for a reason. In a world that often applauds different qualities, God calls some of us to be gentle, discerning, and soft enough to sense His presence—and carry His love to others.
The term Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) was first introduced by psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron, whose research helped many recognise this trait as a unique wiring of the brain rather than a personality flaw. You can learn more about her work at hsperson.com.
Let your sensitivity lead you to your higher purpose. You are divinely gifted.
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