Despite all the continued inner work, learning, and spiritual development, some days the shadows will still lurk in the minds of abuse survivors.
The Scars of Abuse
Do you know the haunting feeling within from having been emotionally abused for most of your life? When you finally find the courage to leave that abusive environment and put your own needs first, the newfound freedom feels liberating. Yet this brings another harsh reality - some people preferred the old, submissive version of you that needed them. They resist accepting this newer, happier you who fought their way out of the trenches of despair.
Abuse victims often become frightened of relationships and friendships as a result. They feel they can no longer trust anyone fully. This is part of the healing process - learning to love and trust again, even preferring isolation. Being alone feels safer, and peaceful without unnecessary dramas and emotional outbursts. It allows us to get reacquainted with the true self - likes, and dislikes, and develop self-love without needing others' approval.
Finding Your Tribe
Over the years that pass, many survivors start carefully exploring friendships again. They often discover a kinship with others who have faced similar ordeals - beautiful souls with warm, sensitive, intuitive hearts. It's baffling how people could have judged, mistreated and misunderstood them.
Even today, I still analyse my interactions afterwards - was I too enthusiastic, did I listen enough, talk too much? The ghosts of my past whisper I'm never quite enough of this or I was too much of that. But, I'm done exhausting myself trying to be someone I'm not. I accept some may not like me, yet that truth still scratches the old scarred insecurities sometimes.
Rejecting "Balance"
Recently someone remarked there's no such thing as a truly balanced world, diet or life. The concept of "balance" implies allowing a little of this, a little of that, but not too much lest you become unbalanced. Life is a perpetual seesaw of ups and downs, light and dark, good and evil. I can see that the darkness I went through pushed me to the light.
Yet, the notion of "harmony" represents going with the natural ebb and flow of life's natural rhythm. Balance takes disciplined effort, often leading to burnout when the scales inevitably tip. It sits rigidly in the middle, panicking if the equilibrium is disrupted. Harmony, however, is flexible, and fluid accepting the inevitable flow of life's shifts - focusing on living according to one's purpose rather than failing at a false illusion of balance and keeping the equilibrium going.
Proverbs 11:1 "A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight."
Core Values
Living according to your core values may sometimes create an imbalance that ruffles others. Balance's bystander mentality watches abuse happen, too scared to offend by taking a firm stance, they sit on the fence and take a balanced view, turn and look the other way, or just keep the peace so as not to offend the offender for an easy life. But it is right and wrong - walking the righteous path periodically means throwing off the façade of balance and neutrality and tipping the seesaw definitively toward the light of truth.
Conclusion
The Bible's teachings aren't about constant, forced balance, but more about flowing with life's harmony - living moderately, avoiding extremes, grounded by faith and following Jesus' model. Maintaining harmony with God provides resilience through the challenges when they arise.
"The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in one's life." Peace Pilgrim
True peace comes not from striving for an unnatural sense of balance, but from accepting life's cycles with a strong spiritual core.
One of our Founding members is Simon Lee Maryan. Simon survived three separate kidnappings and developed a robust psychological and mental resilience which he now shares with people through speaking engagements and training courses. I was happy to provide an article about 'empathy' following our connection.
Simon
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