What is Scapegoating?
Scapegoating abuse is when you, the black sheep of the family (or society) are made to wear the shame that doesn't and never did belong to you. You have believed this lie for so long, that it takes time to unravel the layers of yourself that are no longer helping or serving your onward journey to wholeness of being.
You are worthy of everything this beautiful life has to offer, and sadly you were never taught self-worth by the people responsible for meeting your emotional needs. Likely, they came from a culture of shaming too, so prevalent and reflective of society today.
You, my friend, are the strong one, you've made it this far to be reading this. You can break years of generational trauma and set yourself free in mind, body, and spirit.
I am with you every step of the way!
Begin The Path To Wholeness
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here, as a victim of family scapegoat abuse I want you to know how much I care about shining a bright spotlight on all abuse of power, and that it is possible to come out the other side happy and whole.
Would I have believed the statement above all those years ago? No, I was faced with a deluge of mental pain, anxiety, memory loss, a breakdown in my health, and feelings of deep betrayal, raging anger, and injustice. I remember feeling as though I was falling down a black hole and at my lowest point couldn't sink any lower.
It was the love and light of my children and husband that kept me going, without them I toyed with real thoughts of wanting to end my life. Only I know that if I had they would be able to say, "See, I told you she was crazy".
How I discovered the purpose
From the depths of despair, I emerged like a phoenix, purified into gold by the fires of anger. Strong yet pliable, I am driven by a profound purpose to shed light on scapegoating and assist others in healing from this unseen abuse that traps so many.
Spanning over twelve years, I learned to develop my mind and rebuild myself. We have been falsely taught to bury our pain, and shovel positivity over the top, but the problem with that is the stench of the rot within doesn't go away until you decide to face it head-on and clear it out.
One day, whilst in deep meditation, the realisation that I was to help people heal by providing them with space to look at their pain. Of course, this is difficult, yet it allows for the movement of E-motion. Your emotions need to stir and be allowed to bubble up out of you. Every time you do this, you clear clutter and move energy that must leave. Most people recognise they feel better after crying. It is not weak or something to apologise for, it is a necessary part of the recovery process.
Family scapegoat abuse is difficult to diagnose and recognise because it is largely invisible. Taught to keep the family image and secrets to yourself, woe betide you for going against the control system. You grow up believing this cruel dynamic is normal.
Additionally, you have many memories that were happy and special too, it wasn't all bad. However, scapegoat abuse is prevalent in just about every corner of society today, and in many respects, our families are a reflection of society.
You see, all abuses of power will always deflect blame from themselves and project it upon their victims. I have seen this in religious organisations, the workplace, the medical system, schools, and the government. We fall for this blaming and shaming programming time and time again.
How The Scapegoated Child Is Made To Feel Like An Outlier
Almost all scapegoated children are very bright, clever, and aware individuals. From a young age, they learn that love is only given based on compliance with terms and conditions. The message becomes clear, "Conform, or get out". You may have found yourself working hard all your life to be "perfect" or to feel a sense of approval, or on the other hand, completely giving up on your hopes and aspirations, and setting the bar low for yourself.
It is important to recognise that this cruel dynamic was never about you, despite what you might have been taught to believe by the family. To add further insult to injury more often than not the family will stick together and act as bystanders even joining in on the abuse. Family members look the other way for the family's sake or to keep the peace. The scapegoat will find themselves ostracised and isolated along with the common message, "They brought it upon themselves" or "After all, I did for them" or "See, I told you they were crazy" Each sibling becomes like a rival to fight for what little morsel of love is being handed out.
The dysfunctional family system will never look at the self, projecting all blame onto you, the scapegoat, it's easier that way so that others never have to shoulder any responsibility. Imagine, if they did that. It would mean they would have to take responsibility for supporting abuse, it's much easier to convince the mind to believe you, the scapegoat is the problem, and let you wear their shame for them.
You are the strong bright light of the family and the one who sees the issues and injustices. There is great hope for you because if you are here reading this now, it is because you know you are worthy of having a go at leading a life of freedom and wholeness.
I cannot tell you that this journey is easy, fair, or without a great deal of inner healing work, but I can tell you that I know you can make it through, because I did and so have many others.
You have likely had to depart from your family of origin and their connected friends. Eventually, you can learn to form healthier friendships and will begin to recognise manipulative traits in people. You can even start to get good at it as you develop self-mastery and higher thinking.
Remember you will never change others and how they want to view you through their lens or perspective. Today I can see that what others see is only a viewpoint, and everyone can have one, what people think about me is none of my business.
The one person you can do something about is yourself. You can change for the better by removing all that no longer serves your growth and working towards the wholeness of being.
“By the darkness, stars are revealed.” - Evette Carter
The Impacts And Damage Caused By Scapegoating
Sadly the impacts that follow you through into adulthood are immense. Likely you will struggle to trust again, often preferring your solitude. Or, when criticised it drudges up all the pain points and feelings of lack of self-worth. But, this isn't all bad, you can start to pay attention to the pain points, and step back from them. As you progress along this path of self-development and healing you begin to see how important it is to assert your boundaries and stand authentically in who you are.
Raised to people please and diminish yourself to bolster others, it takes time to unravel that false belief to learn to serve your needs first before you can help others. Likely for most of your life, you have been filling a perpetual leaking bucket, it's exhausting. It is time to fill your bucket until you are brimming with self-love and spilling love out over the top.
Now it is time for you, and only you!
Tips To Help Guide You
- Allow yourself to feel and process repressed emotions. Giving your emotions space to move and be expressed is part of the healing process.
- Rebuild your sense of self-worth diminished by the scapegoating abuse. You are worthy of love, not the shame wrongfully placed upon you.
- Develop self-mastery by establishing firm boundaries and recognising manipulative behaviour in others. This helps break the cycle.
- Focus on filling your cup with self-love before trying to help others. Putting yourself first allows you to overflow with love from a place of wholeness.
- Grieve the loss of the family you deserved but didn't get
- Build a new supportive circle separate from the abusive family system
"Most adults are still unhealed children walking around in adult bodies"
SmileyBlue
